Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Setember 16
Copneelius and Cyprian
I Cor. 12:12-12-14, 27-31; Lk. 7:11-17
Jesus is surrounded by people in the gospel, people everywhere, but he focuses on the need at hand, on the most immediate need. we tend to try to look at the big picture, when what is most important is at hand. we look at "how many we can serve", rather than the "one at hand".
had a meeting of the tenderloin health fair task force; had lunch with jeff cheifex, cooked meal, served meal; people are always pushing me when i am cooking, but no one seems to understand how much work it is, and how i am serving sometimes a hundred people, people who have not eaten much during the day, and how it is important, and how i have to put my time into its preparation and serving. went to opera with peter, but could only stay for one half, had spent day cooking, dealing with people throughout, there comes a time when i just can not take people and pressure any more. i have to have the time alone and away from the noise. people do not often understand how i have to call it quits from going places and from being surrounded by people, but my life is constantly surrounded by people, and i just need the space. it is easy for people with 9-5 jobs to see their job as being done at the end of the day, but my job as long as i am in the area is never done. there is always someone needing something, someone in my face, and i work at night. i need to be more clear on my boundaries with people is all. deo gratis! thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008
September 15
(Heb. 5:7-9; Lk. 2:33-35
Our Lady of Sorrows
technilocally my day off, but oh well, food bank, dinner with garrett, home to take stephen, 23, to the hospital, he was really in terrible mood, demanding. people often asked me how it must be nice to have people love me and nice to me all the time, and you know i realize how naive people are when it comes to working with people. Jesus understood, he suffered daily, and he died because of his working with people. the way of the cross is working with people, walking with them in their daily struggles and putting up with their bull shit, and their pain. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Monday, September 15, 2008
September 14
Triumph of Cross
Num. 21:4-9; Phil 2:6-11; Jn. 3:13-17
i am still suffering from a terrible cold, blogger is not working, feel horrible. Jesus lifted like snake in the air and like snake in wilderness to remind us to trust in God in the face of death, and that God over comes evil. death, what we all fear. went to farewell for bernie gavin, very sad to see her go, very sad. i am depressed rightr now, sadness over the fragility oflife, its uncertainness, my eyes on the cross, keeps me stable. styx came by. still has terrible abscess. bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!
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Sunday, September 14, 2008
September 13
I Cor. 10:14-22; Lk. 6:43-49
i am feeling really lousy, cold, pain. stayed in most of day. went out for a couple of hours. nigel, 22 talked of his boy friend who is abusive, and how is hates being "alone", and how he is mistreated, brain 28 talks of his ten years out here working polk street. i think of the shortness of life, and i feel like hell tonight, have to go to bed. deo gratis! thanks be to God!
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Saturday, September 13, 2008
September 12
Holy Name of Mary
I Cor. 9:16-19; 23-27
Lk. 6:39-42
like paul i run the race--sometimes crookedly--but i run the race, keeping on as as i go up the hills of doubt, fear, wondering what he hell it all means sometimes, and if all this is worth it--but i run the race in season and out of season. went and visited alice today. she talked of how she does not want to get much older, she is 86, because want be able to function, and as i look around the home where she is staying i can see where she might be feeling like she is in a funeral home, quiet, people are basically just there, nothing to stimulate her other than her own reading. to me that would be a living death; went to the hospital to see styx, he was not there, checked at several other hospitals and not there, he could have gone in under an assumed name, i sent him in taxi and he was in a great amount of pain, but who knows, he has no patience, but if i was in such pain i would have stayed. did outreach. counted number of people i encountered just to see how many i encountered, and i talked to 26 people by 10 p.m.. i have a cold and shut every thing down at midnight, even though several came by for food and points. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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September 12
Holy Name of Mary
I Cor. 9:16-19; 23-27
Lk. 6:39-42
like paul i run the race--sometimes crookedly--but i run the race, keeping on as as i go up the hills of doubt, fear, wondering what he hell it all means sometimes, and if all this is worth it--but i run the race in season and out of season. went and visited alice today. she talked of how she does not want to get much older, she is 86, because want be able to function, and as i look around the home where she is staying i can see where she might be feeling like she is in a funeral home, quiet, people are basically just there, nothing to stimulate her other than her own reading. to me that would be a living death; went to the hospital to see styx, he was not there, checked at several other hospitals and not there, he could have gone in under an assumed name, i sent him in taxi and he was in a great amount of pain, but who knows, he has no patience, but if i was in such pain i would have stayed. did outreach. counted number of people i encountered just to see how many i encountered, and i talked to 26 people by 10 p.m.. i have a cold and shut every thing down at midnight, even though several came by for food and points. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Friday, September 12, 2008
September 11
I Cor. 8:7, 11-13; Lk. 6:27-38
on this day in which remember death and destruction in new york our mantra should be the words of our gospe; "Love your enemies. . but instead we struck with a vengance--and we continue striking with a vengeance. the question i often raise is suppose we had answered with the love of the gospel rather than with vengance where would we be today--less scared, less afraid, less discrimiatory against muslims, more open to to others.
spent day cooking. styx needed to go to hospital, terrible mood, sent him as i was leaving, a guy asked if we were family because of the way he was reacting, and i guess we are family as all these guys are family. jacob helped with meal, had gotten kicked out by his john, thought the guy was "in love" with him, how stupid can you get, or rather how desperate to be 20 something years old to think some old man is going to take care of u, give u money for drugs--all for nothing. have been thinking about why i lost my temper with the guy doing story on polk street, and i think of how romanticizing he is with the story, the street has never been romantic and how it appears he is setting up people to just continue the various conflicts. he feels if it is all out in the open, and it is, all it would do is continue the conflicts. i am more and more like mother teresa i believe in living my life out in contemplation, doing the work, living in the moment, trusting that in doing the work--and if enough people would do it, then things would change, but living in the moment, living in the presence of God. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008
September 10
I Cor. 7:25-31; Lk. 6:20-26
i was woke up early by nigel for points, and then during my mass i received a strange phone call from someone threatening me. very unnerving, and unsettling at this time of morning. but that is my life, people wanting stuff, getting angry, never happy.
had dinner with rose; put up flyers for the street fair all afternoon, charlie, 38, helped me, he is free from drugs for now, but as he said, the longest he has ever gone is a week, trying to get into housing, but again it will take months; did outreach, block, jacob came by and had some dinner and got points. bed at 1:00 P.M.
most of my life people have always wanted me to marry, get a partner. they have been concerned about me being "lonely"; not having someone to take care of me in my old age etc. after all being married or hooked up with someone is what is normal, but the reality is i have had one driving focus, force in my life and that has been my faith in God and dedication to my work. everything else takes second place. that is why i have had no interest in marriage or a partner or in getting hooked up--usually the people who have pushed me have no understanding that if i was in a relationship i would not have time for them or for anyone else hardly. and so I understand Paul and thank God for his words. as i have gotten older i have come to understand that my calling was to be single, and to do the work that I do. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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September 9
I Cor. 6:1-11Lk. 6:12-15
"Jesus spent the whole night in prayer" people often asked me how i find time to pray the daily office and celebrate the eucharist daily. my response it is only a couple of hours out of my day--hours i would be watching tv or something else and they are the hours throughout the day that sustains me, reminds me of God's presence.
i was an ass to a guy today making a special on polk street. for some reason he makes me angry as hell. he lives away from here, it is just a project to him, and it is for his career, and i just got really angry when he tried to interview me. for one thing he was reading to much into the questions he was asking me, romanticizing polk street, and i feel bad about the whole thing.
prepared meal, served meal in the castro. did outreach, spent time with zach bed. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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