The past month I have been struggling with applying for a large grant. When it was suggested that I apply for this grant last year, I was told, "River, all of us have our dreams, all of us start at the grass roots, but ultimately we have to face reality and grow up in order to have what we need to do the work that needs to be done with some measure of security." The grant in question would indeed provide security, as well as the backing of a powerful local health services agency. No more struggling for money, for help, for space, for credibility. But there is always a trade-off for this kind of security, for this blanket of support; there are always strings attached. These strings generally mean a loss of personalism, a compromise of the ability to reach out to each human being individually and meet his or her unique need. And, to be frank, there would be a loss for me personally as well...a loss of freedom to "be me," to practice my priestly ministry in the way that I practice it. Hard as this work can be, I have fun a lot of the time doing it, I make no bones about it. I work hard, I play hard and I am myself. Not long ago someone I've known for several years took a look at me in my normal attire and quipped: "Is this the real you, or is it a costume?" I turned to our intern, Louie Guptill, and asked him if he thought I was wearing a costume. "No," he replied, "It's you. It's River Sims." He was right. I spent too many years of my life playing the institutional game; now I know part of faithfulness is just trying to be who I am.

People have often asked me why I do what I do the way I do it, in particular, why I make myself so "vulnerable." Over the almost s. even years Temenos has been in existence, there is still only one answer: "This is my vocation, my call...to be with people where they are, seeking to be an incarnational presence in ways that often go against societal expectations." The ultimate "reward" is a feeling of completion, knowing that I have found my particular place in the universe and that, through this ministry, God's love is being experienced in new and exciting ways. No greater joy comes to me than when I read the following words of one fifteen year old from the Milwaukee, Oregon Presbyterian Church, after he spent a week long mission trip with us, words he shared with his congregation the Sunday after he returned home from San Francisco:

"At first I didn't think I wanted to go. I had no idea what to expect, but decided to go anyway. At the church, River Sims from San Francisco met us. River is a priest whose ministry involves working with homeless youth in the Polk Street area of San Francisco. At the time, all I knew about River was that he handed out clean needles and worked with the youth of the area. The very first night in the city, a few of us were walking with River and we encountered homeless people. From that moment, all of my fears and anxiety about the trip were washed away. I knew that I was doing a good thing and that it was going to be a great week.

Over the week, one thing that increasingly caught my attention and disgusted me was the disparity between those who have and those who don't. Because of my upbringing, I am very fortunate to have everything I need. Being around those who have nothing made me feel uncomfortable and ashamed. I believe that living my suburban, upper middle class life is inconsistent with the path God intends me to follow. Some of you may be wondering why we went on this trip (I was wondering that, too, before we left). But over the week in San Francisco, I came to see the spirit of Christ in these people who have been outcast by our society. I believe that doing this work and helping those who are most in need is following Christ's example and living the sort of life that I have been called to live." Nathan Liberstein.

UNITED NATIONS PLAZA LITURGY

One of our goals for this year was to begin a weekly Eucharist in United Nations Plaza, a local gathering place for homeless people. Now the City has decided to remove the benches in the Plaza and is attempting to force the homeless to stop hanging out in this area. We have also been served notice that, if we celebrate a liturgy and serve food in the Plaza, Fr. River will be arrested.

We do not believe the civil authorities have the moral right to forbid the exercise of sacramental ministry or the practice of the works of mercy, the first of which is feeding the hungry. Accordingly, on September 23, 2001, at 3:00 p.m., we will be celebrating the Liturgy of the Lord's Supper with our homeless friends in United Nations Plaza and serving food in the name of Christ. We invite anyone who would like to join us to do so.

AUGUST SCHEDULE

During the month of August, Fr. River will be visiting friends and resting after a non-stop summer of youth groups. There will continue to be coverage on the streets and Fr. River will continue to take emergency calls.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

We recently discovered that mail has been being stolen from our post box over the past several months. If you have sent us a check that has cleared your account, please check the endorsement: if there is not a stamp on the back bearing the seal of Temenos Catholic Worker, the check was stolen and cashed by someone else.

If you sent a check prior to August 2"4 and it has not cleared your account, it has most likely been stolen as well, since all checks received as of August 2"a have been deposited. Please notify Fr. River if you sent a check which has not cleared. You may also wish to stop payment on such checks.

Until we can establish a secure mail box, we request that all donations be sent to Fr. River at 1618 Polk Street, No. 8, San Francisco, CA 94109.

WE ARE BEGGARS

As always, we depend on the goodness of others to do this work and we thank all who have given over the past month. This summer we have been running in the red, possibly due in part to the stolen checks, so please remember us.

For June/July, we received $2552.90 and expended $5250.86 serving the spiritual and physical needs of 752 folks.

THOUGHTS FROM MIKAEL

Recently I had the opportunity to spend five days at the Green Gulch Zen Center in Sausalito, across the Golden Gate from San Francisco. Each day began at five in the morning with two hours of meditation, eyes open in perfect silence. The subsequent hours were spent gardening, doing dishes, enjoying precious free time and doing further meditation. What became apparent to me in this experience is that the spirituality of Zen Buddhism is both vastly different from and, at the same time, strangely similar to the spirituality of working in Temenos Catholic Worker.

The differences are objective and obvious: whereas my meditation at Green Gulch took place in a beautiful, isolated valley a mile from Muir Beach, amidst rolling fog and the serenity of an intentional community, at Temenos we place ourselves at the heart of suffering in the most desolate, "lowest" conditions in San Francisco, with all its brutal harshness, noise and confusion. The similarities are subjective and more subtle: in the midst of the beauty and tranquility of their community, the people at Green Gulch are committed to a spiritual practice which strengthens their compassion and love. At Temenos, in the midst of much that can be painful, ugly and depressing, we seek to practice...compassion and lover This is the great similarity and the beautiful paradox of two dramatically different ways of living. That which strengthens the self can strengthen the community, and vice versa, through the practice of love and compassion in the present moment.

Whether in the serenity of Green Gulch or on the mean streets of Polk Gulch, I try to transcend myself, get outside of myself enough to love another person or quiet my mind. And the spiritual practices of both these places are of vital importance, because a person cannot long serve others while neglecting him or herself, and a person likewise cannot long serve the real needs of his or her true self while refusing to recognize and minister to the needs of others.

This is the essential yin and yang of the spiritual life, the vitally important balancing of being a loving presence both to oneself and to one's community, with each aspect nourishing the other in a mutual progression of spiritual growth. This delicate balance must be maintained by daily vigilance (there is always the temptation to sloth and unconsciousness in either area of life). We need to be asking ourselves each day: "What have I done for my mind, body and spirit today?" and "What have I done for my community today?"

In my own life, I ask these questions every day. I answer the first with prayer, meditation, yoga, music, reading, going to the gym, working, going to school and being present to those loving relationships which I am so grateful to have. As to the second question, I do my service through Temenos, spread positivity through my music and try to be a positive presence in the lives of those I meet in that day. There is no judgment involved in these questions, no standard of failure or success as to the degree to which I carry out these actions, but rather a simple, daily dedication to the things that foster growth of the spirit and an attempt to do those things to the best of my ability.

If this model resonates with you, I'd encourage you to try the following exercise: make two lists, one of things you do that make your spirit thrive and one of things you do for your community (you may well find some things going on both lists!). Then read each list every morning and try to do some, or all, or even one of the things from each list in the day that follows.

THOUGHTS FROM LOUIE

When groups visit Temenos Catholic Worker, they ask many questions during their stay. Among the bleak surroundings of Polk Street, someone always asks for a bit of good news: how often does a kid pull it together, get into a program, get off the street, and assimilate into normal life?

This is a question I myself asked River early in our relationship. Since that time, I have come to understand the answer, and now often step in to provide that answer for others who ask.

The answer is: nearly never. The youth that Temenos befriends are the ones that can't access those programs, for a number of reasons: they can't follow rules, they have mental complications, they can't kick an addiction. They will, in all likelihood, eventually die on Polk Street or some other similar street in some other American city.

As depressing as this answer may seem to be, I believe it is all the more reason for us to be here for them. To give a smile, a blanket, a clean needle. They are the most unfortunate souls and they are most in need of care. Compassion for them is an end in itself, without any further "purpose," requiring no other "payoff."

That said, there still is some good news. We also minister to individuals who have just reached the streets, or are simply very poor, and occasionally one of these folks with make it out of the maelstrom of Polk Gulch's streets and alleys. River often tells me of times he has received phone calls from people he can't remember meeting who tell him they are now clean, they no longer use, they are healthy, people who credit him and the work of Temenos with saving their lives by providing clean needles.

For those who feel weighed down by the inclement story of street youth, there can still be joy...the joy found in the practical practice of compassion. And, yes, there can even be hope.